There is no right or wrong outcome here. This is not about becoming someone new — it’s about remembering who you already are.  Take your time. Read through the steps first, then move through them slowly. This is meant to be reflective, not rushed.

​

The Exercise: Five Steps to Identify Your Core Values

 

Step 1: Begin with Awareness - Start by noticing what matters to you emotionally, not intellectually.  Think about moments in your life when you felt:

​

• Deeply fulfilled

• Proud of yourself

• At peace

• Hurt, frustrated, or disappointed

• ​

Strong emotions — both positive and negative — often point directly to our values. When something feels “off,” it’s usually because a value has been ignored or violated.  Jot down words or ideas that surface as you reflect. Don’t censor yourself.

​

Step 2: Review the Values List - Using the provided list of values (from Living and Loving Well), read through each word slowly.  As you go, ask yourself:

 

• Does this feel important to how I want to live?

• Does this reflect who I am at my best?

• Do I feel resistance or relief when I read it?

 

Highlight or circle every value that resonates, even slightly. At this stage, it’s normal to have a long list.

 

Step 3: Narrow the List with Honesty - Now comes the more reflective part.  Begin reducing your list by asking:

​

• If I had to choose between these two values, which would I keep?

• Which values feel essential — not aspirational, but lived?

• Which ones consistently show up in my decisions and conflicts?

• ​

Continue narrowing until you reach 10 values. This may feel challenging — that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s honesty.

 

Step 4: Define What Each Value Means to You - This step is critical.  Values like “honesty,” “freedom,” or “connection” can mean very different things to different people. For each of your top 10 values, write a short personal definition in your own words.  For example:

​

• Honesty might mean “speaking truth even when it’s uncomfortable.”

• Freedom might mean “having autonomy over my time and choices.”

• ​

These definitions turn abstract words into practical guides for your life.

 

Step 5 Reflect and Iterate - Once your list is complete, sit with it.  Ask yourself:

​

• Do my current relationships support these values?

• Do my daily choices reflect them?

• Where am I honoring them — and where am I not?

• ​

You don’t need to change anything immediately. Awareness alone begins the shift. Over time, this list becomes a compass you can return to whenever life feels confusing or out of alignment.

​

Identifying your core values is not a one-time task — it’s a living process. As you grow and evolve, your understanding of these values may deepen or shift, but the clarity you gain here will continue to serve you.  When you know what matters to you, you stop outsourcing decisions to fear, habit, or expectation. You begin navigating life with intention.

 

If this exercise stirred something within you, trust that. You’re not behind — you’re paying attention.

 

(You may wish to revisit this exercise annually, or anytime life asks you to make an important decision.)